Blind Dating |
What do you Really Want?
'Anybody can win unless there happens to be a second entry' - George Ade
Happy monogamous companionship and great sex may be your dream, but in the Dating Game you're unlikely to get there without getting the first bit right.
Unless you're very lucky and your friend fixes you up with a blind date that works out (which has it's own pressures like obligation to your friend or incredulity that he/she could possibly think you'd be attracted to this person!) there is a sequence of steps you can't escape from.
I believe that the members you contact will be very fortunate to be contacted by someone who has taken the trouble to study these reports, and who approaches the dating game with good manners and common courtesy.
A good bookshop will have shelves and shelves on developing relationships, sustaining relationships, compatibility and the differences between men and women (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc.), many by eminent and highly qualified psychologists and relationship therapists.
Relationship therapy is not what these reports are about! Your mate/partner/love has to be found first!
I start at the very beginning, well before the relationship stage is reached....counselling and relationship books, if necessary, are for much later....
If, like most, you haven't a wide circle of unattached friends, where do you start?
'Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.' - William Jennings Bryan
My definition of 'Dating' for the purposes of this writing is: 'The means of achieving a particular end - that of finding a long-term, ideally permanent, meaningful and intimate relationship, as opposed to merely increasing one's social life with lots of different people for its own sake ( 'playing the field').
Increasing one's social life in this way may of course be an enjoyable by-product of the real search.
Before entering the dating arena, there are some questions you need to ask yourself, to make sure dating is right for you at this moment in time...
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS:
Do you really want someone with whom to share your life?
Are you prepared to put yourself out a little?
Are you ready?
Do you really want to date?
Are you doing it because you feel 'you ought to' or Mum thinks it's time you settled down because she wants grandchildren, or because all your friends are now paired up?
Do you actually want to fail?
Have you suffered demoralising turn-downs in the past, or are you still grieving over a broken relationship?
Are you scared? Do you want to fail in order to avoid risking future let-downs?
You may tell yourself that at least with an agency, if you did fail, then you'd have someone else to blame and can save face! (You can tell yourself it's not your fault and there was nothing wrong with your approach or with you yourself. They simply weren't introducing you to the 'right people').
One's own ego and self confidence is a very precious thing, and probably very fragile however tough our exterior.
Do you dare put yourself on the line and take your chances; admit that you are making an effort, an effort in spite of which there may well be rejections, turn-downs etc. - do you dare set yourself up to be possibly knocked down?
'Skepticism is a hedge against vulnerability' - Charles Thomas Samuels
Do you tell yourself that there is a 'stigma' to the Dating Game, and that 'people like me don't need that sort of thing'?
Are you willing to put yourself out sufficiently and maybe compromise?
Are you a serial romantic? Each time the initial lust/excitement wears off, you need to find that intensity again?
Are you a serial dater? You pursue one date after another and few second meetings, always wondering if there is someone even better next?
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