Blind Dating |
The Dating Scene Today II
Expectations have changed dramatically
"In the old days when people thought it was time to settle down," continues this article, "they would look for someone they got on with fairly well. But these days people are searching for a soulmate - and sometimes their expectations are unrealistic. They want the complete package, and they will keep their options open until they find it.
"People expect so much more from relationships nowadays. It is very much a 'me' society, and in this day and age people are far more prepared to cut their losses and run when a relationship hits a stormy patch....With almost half of all marriages ending in divorce, people are very nervous about making the wrong choice. They think, why get married when it can all go wrong? The want a relationship that will last for ever - but they are more cautious than ever before about who that might be with."
'Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet' - Mae West
Karen Mooney, vice-chair of the Association of British Introduction Agencies in the Daily Mail article 'Singles', January 15th 2001, sums up the situation: "Dating agencies are increasingly attracting people who see it as an adjunct to an already fulfilling and busy social life, and the agencies are responding by offering holidays, dinners and events for those who like to travel hopefully rather than reach their destination"
"If you want to go fishing, go where the fishes will be " - Karen Mooney
Here are some conclusions and statistics that you may find interesting. I don't claim all the figures to be perfect, but near enough accurate to indicate general trends.
The ratio of babies born in this country is, apparently, and always has been, about 105 males to 100 females, though I doubt whether 'man' will be able to resist interfering with nature's selection of the sex of babies in a future with the possibility genetic engineering.
In the past, numbers of men were kept down by wars, hard and dangerous manual labour, increased male infant mortality. Due to improved social conditions and healthcare this is all changing; moreover women are starting to lead lives comparable to men's, and they are losing their advantage over men for living longer.
There was a steady decline in birth rates in the UK throughout 1970s. There were more babies born, therefore, in the early 1970s than late 1970s. Because men traditionally pair up with women younger than themselves, this has caused an imbalance in two ways:
- There were more babies born in 1970/72 than, for instance, in 1976/78, (the most likely matchable age group for the girls born in 1972).
- All the time a larger proportion of these were boys anyway!
In UK in 1996 there were over one million more young men of marriageable age under 35 than there were women. There are now about 3.3 million young men living alone, increasing all the time (21% predicted by 2002).
According to Men Living Alone published by Mintel in July 1999, 40% of young men compared with 35% of women would prefer to be living with a partner.
Things aren't so good, though, for the ladies as they get a bit older. In fact, they get worse and worse!
Ladies over 35 increasingly outnumber the men in the age group they would normally pair up with (38 to 47). Apart from male mortality, and men leaving their wives of the same age as themselves for younger women, these ladies were born in the 60s - in the 'baby boomer' years. So, more babies in the 60s that in the 50s means more girl babies in the 60s than boy babies in the 50s, this despite the boy/girl birth ratio.
However, as the 'bulge' of younger men progresses upwards through the years, it is predicted that by the year 2007 things will turn right around. The surplus of men in the age group quoted above (35 to 47) will be far greater than that currently of women! But - and this is the crunch - they will be looking for ladies in their twenties and early thirties to have their babies.
'Middle Age is a time of life, That a man first notices in his wife' - Richard Armour
Women have always traditionally paired up with men older than themselves
A shortage of men for ladies in their forties upwards meant that the men could pick and choose, and they chose younger ladies! Men over seventy years old belong to a generation where their life expectancy was several years shorter than the women. War had killed off their fathers, making an even greater surplus of older women, so of course the men chose the youngest (and more fertile) women.
This has a knock-on effect, as the younger ladies are 'stolen' from the men nearer to their own age!
As already mentioned, many men in their 40s and 50s have left their wives for younger women, (some of whom would be early thirties or under), thus increasing the shortage of young women at the lower end available for the younger men, and adding to the surplus of middle-aged single women and young men in their twneties!
'A man is only as old as the woman he feels.' - Groucho Marx
What is the solution? If America goes where we follow, then 'toyboys' for the older ladies - 'sugarmummies' for the young men? Genetic engineering?
As a matter of interest, here is another statistic from National Office of Statistics. Men are on average 40 years old and women just short of 38 when they divorce. Late 30s and early 40s seems to be the age where there is the largest number of people using agencies, mostly due to 'second-time rounders'. (The average length of a marriage that ends in failure, apparently, is 10 years 2 months).
HOW YOUR CARDS ARE DEALT - YOUR ELIGIBILITY
Taking into account your age and sex, how well will an agency - or any 'singles' organisation - suit you?
Here are some inescapable facts I discovered whilst running my agencies - so I hope that reading this document will help some of you who may need to, through no fault of your own, get ahead of the competition!
The following is a very general guide only, with many, many people being an exception to the rule. For instance, countless young men have found love through dating organisations, as have older women.
MEN
Age under 27 there are too few girls to go round. Age 28 to 34 young
men will need to work hard as young ladies under 35 have no shortage of
men. They may need to date women a little older than themselves
Aged 34 to 44 dating works well - especially for non-smoking, tall gents. Between 42 to 60: the older you get the more ladies there are, but you may not want ladies of your own generation. Nowadays many ladies of this age group themselves would prefer men their own age or even younger if they could get away with it!
Gents over 60: you are well outnumbered by ladies of your own age, that is if you know where to find them (but of course you may not want them)!
LADIES
Girls under 20 don't often need an agency! Even if they do join, they
are very much more likely to meet someone elsewhere.
Aged 20 to 29 the young ladies are in great demand by men both in their twenties and thirties. Consequently, they can become spoilt, and are the worst group in agencies for messing people about, cancelling dates at the last minute, not replying to letters etc.
Aged between 30 to 35 dating works very well indeed. From 36 to 45 ladies will have to work at it increasingly hard, and be prepared to be more flexible.
Aged 46 to 50: gentlemen in this age group often prefer younger ladies. Ladies may need to be prepared to meet men quite a bit older than themselves. Numbers are much reduced in the older men.
Age 50 to 56 upwards gentlemen are getting more scarce, and over 56 - there are men late 50s and 60s around, but they could be spoilt for choice (you need to find one who doesn't know this!).
(Ladies - you may well have strong feelings about this age issue and feel men younger than yourself would be more suitable for you, but your chances of a younger man accepting a date by the agency method will be small - because he doesn't need to. You're more likely to meet him socially.)
This is merely a summing up of how things happen to be more or less, not of how people (or I) might feel should be the case.
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