How to Raise Your Stakes |
Knowledge is Power!
Knowing what the most important assets people of either sex are looking for in a date, you may well find there are some things you can do to improve your position and likelihood of success.
Knowing what the most important turn-offs people of either sex find in a date, you may well discover there are some things you can do to improve your position and likelihood of success.
If you are aware that you're not appealing in the right way to your chosen 'target' it's no use moaning that you aren't meeting the 'right people'!
Not to be concerned about what your 'ideal' sort of person might be looking for is at best a blinkered attitude, and at worst rather arrogant. Remember, nobody owes it to you to meet you. It's not their duty, however much you may have paid an organisation to introduce you to that person.
However, knowing that you are packaging and marketing yourself as appealingly as possible in the other person's eyes, does not that knowledge give you confidence?
If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain. - Maya Angelou
PLAYING THE GAME
The rest of this report is about how to play the dating game with the cards on your side.
Decide on your best cards, set them out intelligently and play them for all they are worth.
If, to continue the analogy, you 'play your cards close to your chest' and save your trump card till later ("they'll have to meet me if they want to find out how attractive/young looking/articulate/funny...I am"), it may never be played at all. You may never get the chance.
Being too proud, or not being bothered, to sell yourself could well result in no meeting!
Work out your own trump card (or cards), and play it for all it's worth, starting at the beginning - the profile stage. This might be your height, your education, your face, your intellect, your chivalry, your kindness, your long blonde hair, your happy nature, your generosity, your sports car...but just be sure that your 'chosen' would be impressed. It's no good thinking you want someone natural and unspoilt and then boasting about your Porsche!
If the profile stage is missed out, make sure you make use of this trump card in your first letter or first (well-planned!) telephone conversation...more later.
Have you a joker? Something that makes you just that bit different? If it's amusing make it fun but not embarrassing!
What really matters is what you do with what you have - Shirley Lord
BE YOURSELF, but SELL YOURSELF
You need to work out how to be yourself and how best to market it! To promote and package yourself knowing what they are likely to want!
We've all heard stories of people who have met socially or by chance, and fallen in love, neither of whom would have agreed to meet the other from written details 'on paper', or even from a photo (eg. "I would never have chosen to meet a smoker).
The chemistry is the thing! But, going down the Blind Date route, the challenge is to get as far as that first meeting.
The chemistry might just be there, violins may be waiting in the wings, but you will never find out if you don't appeal at the profile/telephone stages!
These may seem a daft questions at this point, but they must be asked again:
- Do you really want someone or not?
- Do you want to attract the right sort of person for you or not?
- Do you suspect the 'right' sort of person for you, in your opinion, would not find you the 'right' sort of person for them in their opinion?
- If you find you're being unrealistic, are you prepared to compromise?
Compromise may be necessary if you're 'pitching your tent in the wrong field'! You're looking in the wrong place for you. It's important you get this right, and then to go for it - promote yourself!
Every man has three characters - that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has.' - Alphonse Kar
Surprisingly there are some people who deliberately undersell themselves!
The negative approach seems to be for those with very low self-esteem. In the profile you say you're only very average looking, all your interests are boys' interests and you may even mention you have a bad habit of picking your nose! I mention 'boys' because I have only known gents to undersell themselves to this extent.
Some people, ladies and men, decide to say as little about themselves as possible. Even if it's not the case, it suggests that they can't be bothered.
Set enough challenges and hurdles and that will ensure that nobody will want to meet you.
You may well feel scared at the prospect of the actual date.
What's more, if someone agrees to meet you after all this they would surely be pleasantly surprised!
If you feel this approach is for you, don't continue reading this!
Never think you're not good enough yourself. A man should never think that. People will take you very much at your own reckoning. - Anthony Trollope
GIVE THE CHEMISTRY A CHANCE!
People who don't bother to 'sell' themselves don't get buyers.
People don't need to be blatant or pushy. We all know quiet, unassuming people who are so good at 'selling' themselves that they appear to be making no effort at all to have people flocking around them.
The opposite sex may well find this lack of effort a turn-off and even a little insulting, when they themselves will have made an effort.
People who bother to sell themselves make the opposite sex feel flattered at their efforts for them.
Say you are a farmer. In the Dating Game a farmer packages himself, naturally, as a farmer, but, for instance, a hard-working, successful, smart, cheerful fun person etc. who rides a horse (if he does) and so on.. No lies, just select the most likely selling points. She won't need to know at this stage that you're up at 5am and like to come in for a shower at 9am and a cooked breakfast on the table! Give the chemistry a chance!
Likewise you may be a city gent. Package yourself as a successful, sophisticated but courteous and polite person etc. (or whatever your true attracting attributes are). Don't mention the fact, even if you're proud of it, that you are ruthless and aggressive in business, or that you have to spend weeks at a time abroad negotiating with potential clients, at this stage ! Give the chemistry a chance
!I once had a lady member who had suffered from alopoecia (no hair, no eyebrows or eye lashes due to a nervous condition). She wore a wig and was quite attractive, but it was noticeable. Now to mention it in her profile would have been unwise. Because she was a very attractive lady, once someone got to meet her the chemistry could well have been there. (Incidentally - she spoilt it all by refusing, like many ladies, to meet men with 'facial hair' - and this is true!
Successful daters invest time and effort on their image (whatever they choose that to be).
So, be yourself, but project that self that is the best of you in the most 'fetching' way.
Click here for next Section - The Written 'Profile' ...
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