How to Raise Your Stakes
in the

Dating Game

What do the LADIES say attracts them most about the sound of someone on the telephone? (The most commonly mentioned in the first group, but apart from that in no particular order):

• If I have been the one to phone him he sounds "pleased to receive my call"
• He sounds relaxed and articulate. Speaks well (doesn't mean no local accent)
• He sounds cheerful and fun. There is laughter in the first conversation
• He sounds confident
• He has thought through the issues of the first meeting, eg. the venue
• He sounds enthusiastic
• He sounds as though he has a positive attitude
• He sounds comfortable with using a dating agency
• He sounds optimistic
• He has a warm voice
• He sounds interested in her
• He has time to chat for more than a minute
• He makes mention of friends
• He sounds youthful

Here are those things the LADIES say puts them off about the sound of someone on the phone:

• He has nothing to say. Conversation is an effort
• He asks too many questions - gives her the third degree
• He sounds full of himself, or arrogant, or overbearing, or dominant
• He sounds boring, unsure or unhappy
• He "made me feel one of many"
• Sounds as though he's "doing you a favour"
• He calls late at night
• He talks too much
• He's unwilling to spend a few minutes on the phone first
• He appears busy or distracted at time of call
• He sounds abrupt
• He moans about his ex
• She doesn't like swearing/bad language, suggestive double meanings
• Unattractive answerphone message
• Slow humour
• He puts lots of conditions on the meeting
• He can't think of anywhere to meet

Here are those things the GENTS say attracts them most about the sound of someone on the phone:

• She sounds please I called. A friendly response
• She sounds "keen to meet me", has the desire & willingness to arrange a meeting
• She's easy to talk to
• She sounds good fun, quick witted, has a sense of humour
• She seems interested in me
• She has an enthusiastic voice
• She is articulate and has something to say
• She's talkative (but not too much)
• She's prepared to listen - learn something about me
• She is understanding of personal baggage (wrong stage to discuss it!)
• She has a happy voice

Here are those things the GENTLEMEN say puts them off about the sound of someone on the phone:

• She sounds unenthusiastic, offhand
• She's too busy, maybe in two weeks, not available for over a week etc.
• He doesn't like being interrogated
• She wants to limit time of first meeting
• She sounds disinterested, not keen to meet
• She sounds miserable. There's no smile in her voice
• She has a negative attitude to dating
• She's not friendly
• She can't express herself
• She is too serious or matter of fact
• She gives just one word answers, is not encouraging
• She sounds too business-like
• She talks of previous relationships

GENERAL ADVICE and OBSERVATIONS

Don't leave a message!

I can't tell you how many times my members complain of calls not being returned. Yes, it's only good manners to return calls, but they don't and that's a fact of life!

At this stage you are the person that has decided to contact the other person, so at this particular time you'll be more motivated than they are.

The most important thing is to get as far as exchanging words.

If you leave a message and just wait this may never happen.

If you leave a constant stream of messages this will certainly never happen! It can be quite intimidating and an invasion of that person's privacy.

My research shows that the average duration of that first phone call is 13 minutes. Some calls are very short indeed like 'no thanks' and some go on for 2 hours.

Bearing in mind that the object of the phone call is to get to the meeting stage, that is unless you take an instant dislike to the voice on the other end of the phone, there are a few simple rules to follow:

• Keep the call lighthearted. Try the old tele-sales trick of smiling while you speak!
• Don't get bogged down in detail or intimate questions
• Don't let on yet if you've been using agencies/ads for 5 years and met hundreds of people
• Especially don't be derogatory about people previously met, nor try to make present company jealous
• Be considerate with regards to where you meet
• Keep the call as short as possible without sounding abrupt.
• The longer the call, the more likely you are to talk yourself (and them) out of a date.
• Give the chemistry a chance!

I must decline your invitation owing to a subsequent engagement. Oscar Wilde

Often either one or both parties will know after a few moments on the phone that there is absolutely no way they would be suitable for one another!

ESCAPE!

Here are some of the 'get-outs' my members say they have used to avoid meeting someone who has contacted them according to one survey:

• 24% prefer to be direct (and claim to do so tactfully - though whether the other person would agree is questionable).
• 18% say this hasn't arisen.
• 12% meet them all anyway
• 8% make an excuse or lie saying they are too busy
• 8% suggest they have little in common
• (30% didn't answer the question)

Too many people promise to call back and don't do so. This is cowardly and unkind.

Sadly, again, the people who most need this book most are those least likely to read it!

I personally would suggest you come clean, but out of courtesy endure the phone call for a few minutes, otherwise it sounds very rude and is hurtful.

Always 'do as you would be done by'!

Try putting the 'blame' upon yourself -

Tell the person that you know you'd be wasting their time as you know you wouldn't be right for them, because you're unreasonably partial to slim people/you've got a problem with lack of height so may well miss out on happiness which will be your fault/your best friend's mother died of passive smoking and you just can't stand it - which is a great shame when you'll miss out on meeting someone like them/you need someone with the same sort of occupation as yourself because you have a problem in that you can't handle earning more than your man etc. etc.

'Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.' - Howard W. Nelson