How to Raise Your Stakes |
The Dating Merry-Go-Round and How Not to get Thrown Off before you start…
- 'You get no second chance to make a first impression'
- 'It is harder to overcome a bad first impression than to lose a good one'
- If you've got it, flaunt it. If you've not got it, work on it, or work upon what you have got
- Successful dating is about achieving the balance between what you feel is ideal and what you know to be reasonably achievable.
DO YOUR GROUNDWORK
Qualify eligibility in yourself and in the sort of person you'd like to meet.
Qualify what you feel would be eligibility in their eyes. Read on and I shall give you the results of several surveys into what people say they want.
You'll see that eligibility is an Art largely involving presentation and charm, and something everybody can do something about if they feel they need to
Prepare your approach.
Play Your Cards Right in the Dating Game. 'How' later.
Your written profile is very often your opener. I will soon give you feedback on what people say attracts them and what they say repels them in a profile, along with some tips on how to write an effective profile about yourself.
The next stage may be exchange of letters.
Many people are put off by scruffy letters. In my opinion (yes, I know I promised not to give my own opinions) it is disrespectful to scribble an illegible letter on tatty paper. The envelope also should look neatly written, as though the writer has made an effort. You would not believe how many letters I have forwarded on behalf of members in used brown envelopes stuck down with sellotape, and with food or drink spilt on them!
Hand writing is by far the best and most friendly, polite approach, but if you're not confident about your writing I think rather than put someone off at this first hurdle, it's acceptable nowadays to use a computer. If you can't spell and you use a computer, use a spell-checker.
If you have no computer take reasonable care with the writing. You don't need to give the impression that you are someone that you are not - only that you have made an effort.
The phone call stage: I shall be giving you feedback as to what encourages people to progress to the meeting stage.
Report number 3 - (see end of this report) - will complete the subject:
What do members say they find encouraging in the first few moments of that meeting?
How will you recognise one another? Will the guy be standing under the clock wearing a carnation? (I once interviewed a potential member in hotel who was a master baker. He said I'd have no difficulty in recognizing him, and I didn't! He approached me carrying an unwrapped bloomer).
What about the first date?
In report 3 you will be given members' feedback on all aspects of these stages, together with some conclusions that may help.
PACKAGING…POLITENESS…PERSEVERENCE…PERSPECTIVE
These four words are so important that, although I've written this already in Report number 1, I do so again.
Every other person, whatever they look like or sound like, is just as valid as a human being as you are
Evidence shows that people with a charitable attitude to others, regardless of whether they are 'their type', enjoy the experiences of meeting people more. They in fact meet more people, they are more forgiving if the person isn't what they are looking for, and they get less upset when they are rejected.
Real generosity toward the future consists in giving all to what is present' - Albert Camus
Packaging
Make sure you are presenting yourself in the best light possible. How can you get the sort of people you'd like to meet to choose you?
In the dating game nobody owes you anything.
When a man is wrapped up in himself he makes a pretty small package' - John Ruskin (1819-1900)
Politeness
Put in 100% for everyone - possibly the most difficult thing to do when dating!
Feelings of superiority or self-importance on your part show through and can be devastating to the other person.
Consider the other person's feelings
Manners maketh man (and woman). Be gracious. For instance, ladies offer to split the bill or buy the second round of drinks, but if he really insists, accept.
A little charm goes a long way!
Perseverance
You may have to go through a lot of 'someones' before you find the 'right one' - kiss a lot of frogs. That's life and he/she might turn out to be someone you didn't expect to 'click' with. The quest needs persistence and stamina. Often people are on the point of giving up, and the very next one is 'it'
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most
certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
-
Thomas Alva Edison
Perspective
Try to be philosophical - learn to keep a sense of perspective. If possible 'take the rough with the smooth' - no double meaning intended!
Try to be open-minded. "My previous relationships have all been...." If they didn't work out, then it's probably time to try someone a bit different!
I'll help you to develop considerate and polite escape procedures so you have appropriate get-out tactics up your sleeve -to be discussed later.
I hope this report will also help with self-preservation procedures in the event of another person being one of those who need to read this report more than you do. They may be less chivalrous than yourself and their 'escape procedures' hurtful or rude!
Unfortunately, the very people who most need these reports are those least likely to 'feel they need them' or to read them! Often they will be the ones who are spoilt for choice due to their age. That, also, is life!
FINALLY..
Try not to look like and 'old hand' at dating - someone who has spent months or even years 'trawling' through the personals - even if you have!
This can really frighten people off - especially those new to it all! Nobody wants to feel that they are part of a league table!
Do as you would be done by'
I hope that what I write is not too unpopular with some readers!
I merely record the results of honest research done into people's opinions and the resulting conclusions, over a period of ten years.
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